Story-chapter 1-street rats

[Nykira]

Before ppl reads this:
-seki or someone pls make a fanfic section
-my spelling is horrible so sorry in advance
-chapter ends werid so sorry for that to
-and please tell me if ya hate it, if ya do

Chapter 1
Pearsing screams rang through the air, the smell of blood that always hung around that place, it left a mark on the night club but still people kept coming back for more, I never understood how they could, but then no one understands me. I don't even understand myself I have nothing to live for but I still live on, no one notices the little street rat that hides in the ally behind the night club, it might seem stupid to stay there, well I guess that makes me stupid.?
I'm right here have been most my life, don't remeber haveing the comforts of a house and a bed, I don't even remeber my name, I don't even think I have one.
My?thoughts trailed off as I pulled the ragged cloth over me and slipped into sleep.
The voices of a couple of people woke me enough just to reconise what they were saying.
"Artie you said you smelled food down here where is it" came a whinney female voice, A ruff males voice obviosly her companion arty spoke
"shh tiffany, you scare the food away" "oh no I won't cause there's nothing down here" Tiffany whined again?
"just shut up Tiffany" he snaped.
The sounds of there footsteps keep coming closer untill they stopped right in front of me, curled up in there corner of the ally. I started to shake, I'm scared not of them but of the fact I've never had anyone approch me before, I didn't know what to do or say people ignore the street rats they don't talk to them or aproch them they pretend there not even there.?
"oh Artie you were right" she cooed as she huged the broud man. "get off and shut up tiffany" he snaped at her again and knelt down to my level. " don't be scared child, do you have a name?" he asked. I turned my head to face him, his eyes were what stood out, the ally was dark I couldn't see all that much but those eyes ate into me, ate right into my soul.?
"I-I-I don-t ha-have a n-name" I stuttered out and looked down at the concrete floor.
"oh really" he smiled?
" artie hurry up I'm hungry, we don't need the stupid kids name, it's not like were gonna change her or anything" Tiffany whined again. Artie turned his head to face her "shut up" he snaped at her again, then faced me with a smile. " would you like a new life, one where your not on the streets, a better life, does that sound good to you child" I looked at him I didn't understand this is the only life I remeber how could I get a new one. This made no sence, it sounded imposible.?
The sound of a bang came from beside me as tiffany kicked the dumpster leave a big dint in the metal. " you gonna fuckin change her arnt you, you bloody asshole, there will be no room fo me if you change her and you knew that, this was your fuckin plan from the start..." " shut the fuck up Tiffany an go the fuck away" he yelled at he and she gave him a greasy look and stormed off. I could tell this wasn't over. Artie turned back to face me " would you?" he asked, nothing can be worse then where I am now, so I nodded. He smiled agian. That was the last thing I saw before it all went black.?

[Kazekage Kamelot]

0.o

1) You were right your spelling is atrotius.
2) Ended weird? did it end?
3) Its not a bad story, it has plenty of potential, but you should build onto it and rework a few spots.

I love part of my job is food writing for books and coloms, so i took writing classes in College, and became rather good at it. . Id love to help you if you want. You can email me the story and then i can proof read it for you, make corrections, and some minor suggestions and then we can work on posting it as a fanfic or story.

[Nykira]

Like I said sorry bout the spellin
yes the chapter ends weridly, no it didn't end it's only one chapter
thing is I usually do but I'm on my iPod and it's kind of imposible to do, it's realya hard to type on these things.
I've wrote other storys but there really long and there on booksie, there a lot better them this , this was somthing that was bugging me and I couldn't think straight till I wrote it down
and That will be great if ya help meh ehe

[Kazekage Kamelot]

very nice, you are a writer at heart !

[Mr. Anderson]

interesting read, please post your other stories when you have time, I would like to read more !

[Nykira]

Thanks, sure thing I'll post em when I actualy get on a computer ehe^^

[Kazekage Kamelot]

you posted that with your iphone? holy shit thats alot of typing on a phone XD!

[Nykira]

I said I did it on my iPod, that's why everythings so messy

[Kazekage Kamelot]

right you did sorry :P!

[Nykira]

It's alright^^